Well here’s a story I wasn’t expecting to write when I got up this morning: Zenless Zone Zero’s notorious jiggle physics have struck again, only not like that. Eagle-eyed fans have discovered that, following the gacha game’s latest update, its ambient cats now stroll gamely about the place with their testicles wiggling majestically from side to side.
Zenless Zone Zero’s new 1.6 update – AKA Among the Forgotten Ruins – launched last week, with its various additions including “enhancements to pedestrian behaviour in Lumina Square to make it more dynamic and diverse”. Only, it turns out pedestrian behaviour wasn’t the only thing that had suddenly been enhanced to become a lot more “dynamic”.
Fans were surprised enough when HoYoverse decided it was going to bless every in-game feline with large round testicles last summer. And now the developer – which very much appears to live by the motto, “If it can jiggle, it will jiggle” (see also Genshin Impact’s Tartaglia and his quivering crotch) – has taken things to their perhaps inevitable conclusion.
They added jiggle physics to cat’s balls 🌚
byu/Cold_Mundane inZZZ_Official
“They added jiggle physics to cat’s balls”, one fan declared on Zenless Zone Zero’s official subreddit, before chucking in a side-eye moon-face emoji and a 22-second video highlighting the discovery by aggressively zooming in on a passing cat’s independently swinging bollocks and situationally adjacent butthole. Is this really news?, you may well be asking yourself around about now. To which I respond by laughing manically and then evaporating into thin air.
Alongside Zenless Zone Zero’s anatomical enhancements, last week’s 1.6 update introduced new characters, a new area, and new events. Less positively, it recast two voice actors – who both discovered the change when its patch notes went live. Sorry to end things on a downer.